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19/January/2012Today is the first anniversary of my mother’s death. I’m missing her and of course wishing things could have been different for her. She loved life, her grandkids and great-grandkids, the holidays, and all the simple joys it is so easy to take for granted. I’ll always regret not having been a better son for her. She always asked so little from her family and unfortunately, too often that is all got. Ah well. In the end I was with her for what little comfort I could give. She told me “I love you for coming home to me”, and I will always have that moment to remember.
This is the last photo I took of her, a day or two before she died. She would have hated it of course, but it was both a special and sad time and I think she’d be happy to be remembered, regardless of the circumstances. I love you mom. This morning Jee Yeun left for Korea. The house without her seems so empty and quiet. You kind of fall into a rhythm when you share your life with someone, and her departure has left me feeling particularly out of sorts. She’s going home to help take care of her sister he recently suffered a massive stroke. She will also be with her family to celebrate the lunar new year, and that’s a good thing. Finally, she will be doing all the heavy lifting associated with moving house. She’s taking an apartment in the same building at Gireum station, just two floors lower down. I’ll be following in two or three weeks. I have to finalize matters associated with my parent’s estate before I can leave the country. It’s a real pain in the ass, but at least I have some powerful motivation to get it done.
Welcome home to the Land of the Morning Calm sweetheart. I miss you and I love you. 06/January/2012Had a great start to the new year visiting my seafaring friends Rod and Patty Headlee.
They purchased this 43′ sailboat in Annapolis, MD and were completing refitting at the time of our visit in New Bern, NC.
Ain’t she a beauty?
I believe the name Second Chance derives from the fact this boat originally manufactured in 1969 has been completely refurbished and made seaworthy for her new life as home to Rod and Pat in whatever location the winds of fancy may carry them.
This is the forward stateroom where me and Jee Yeun spent the night. A little cramped but comfortable. We were rocked to sleep by the gentle motion of the marina waves and serenaded by the singing of a stiff breeze through the rigging wire. A slightly larger stateroom aft is where Rod and Pat quarter.
The head. It’s operation was just complicated enough that I’d usually make my way out to the marina lavatory. There is also a small shower to the left which went unused during our visit.
The dining area featuring Sebastian the seagoing cat. Notice the net full of snacks hanging above. The boat was provisioned for several weeks of sea travel, so every nook and cranny was filled with the necessities for a self-contained life.
The galley featured a stove with oven and a bread maker…
It takes a big man to admit that he is probably not “right sized” for long term living at sea on a sailboat.
No TV on board but we did enjoy a little live music.
We trekked into New Bern where Jee Yeun made a beary nice friend…
Rod bought some supplies at this old fashioned hardware store. A much more pleasant experience than shopping at Home Depot, that’s for sure.
We lunched at this popular local eatery and then said our farewells. Rod had been closely monitoring the weather for a good 3 day window to make it down to Florida. The seas can be treacherous off Cape Fear this time of year. The had hoped to be in warmer waters by October but the refitting took longer than anticipated. They plan to spend a month in the Bahamas and after that probably the west coast of Mexico. Their home port is Los Angeles, but they really love being in the South Pacific, spending a lot of time in Pago Pago and American Samoa. I really respect their success in living the life of their dreams. I do not envy that lifestyle however. A life at sea is really hard work. When sailing, someone must always stand watch. And maintaining the boat and it’s critical components is a never ending chore. I guess I prefer a life of On the drive home, we spent the night in North Myrtle Beach. Winter is the best time of year at the beach in my opinion, mostly because I had crowds.
America’s East Sea as viewed from our crappy (but $40 per night) ocean front room.
Jee Yeun enjoys her coffee and the Carolina sea grass.
The temperature was right at freezing and there was a cutting ocean breeze that chilled to the bone. It was so cold that the seagulls flocked around Jee Yeun trying to keep warm.
But there is something to be said for the solitude of the oceanfront in winter. 26/December/2011
My first Christmas without mom and dad. She sure did love the holidays. I have some of her decorations up around the house, but they just can’t capture her spirit. 28/May/2011
My father died today. He spent the better part of his life as an engineer with the Merchant Marine. It is a maritime tradition that when a member of the engine department passes away he is said to be “finished with engines”. My father had been in failing health for some time but if pressed to identify the cause of death I’d have to say he died of a broken heart. Losing mom after 61 years of marriage took both an emotional and physical toll. I think he survived as long as he did so he could be there to take care of mom. Without her his life lost meaning and purpose. He was 83 years old and by any account he lived a long, and often hard, life. He was nothing if not strong willed. His passing was inevitable but I was surprised by how quickly he went in the end. I believe he just decided it was time to go, so he went. By all accounts it was a peaceful and easy departure. Perhaps that’s the best any of us can hope for. His desire was to have his body donated to the medical university. After jumping through some bureaucratic hoops today we were able to make that happen. Dad was always generous in his own quiet way and certainly wouldn’t want a big deal made of his parting gift. And he made it very clear that a big funeral was not for him. So I hope this simple tribute will suffice to do justice to his memory. Dad, you were an amazing man and truly one of a kind. You’ll be missed by all who knew and loved you. My father was a lover of poetry and some of my earliest memories are of him sitting in his easy chair reading his favorite poems out loud to us kids. And I distinctly remember him reciting this one on some long ago day: Under the wide and starry sky This be the verse you grave for me; –”Requiem” Robert Louis Stevenson
26/May/2011I just wanted to update y’all regarding my dad. He was moved to the hospice ward at the hospital yesterday. I’m sure you understand the implications of that. He was hospitalized last week with pneumonia, and he has gotten progressively weaker. He’s been unable to swallow so he was being fed though a tube in his nose to his stomach. That’s a short term solution and they wanted to insert a tube directly through his stomach. In his condition that’s a risky surgery, but necessary given the alternative. Against my advice, he declined the surgery. So, the goal of Hospice is to keep the patient comfortable. I’ve not given up hope that he will regain the ability to swallow and can take nourishment by mouth. If not, well, he’ll just fade away. Sorry to be sharing this sad news, but thought you’d want to know. 08/May/2011Happy Mother’s Day to all the mom’s out there in the great wide open. And speaking as one who is spending his first mother’s day without a living mom, indulge my imparting a little advice. Sons and daughters, do more than the card and the “I love you”. Take the time and make the effort to do the little things to make your mother feel special. She’s easy to please I’d wager and letting her know you care will mean the world to her. Don’t be like me wishing you had done more when it is too late for anything other than regrets. Here’s the song my nephew sang after the funeral. I find it hauntingly beautiful. Mother don’t worry, I killed the last snake that lived in the creek bed So may the sunrise bring hope where it once was forgotten Mother I made it up from the bruise on the floor of this prison So may the sunrise bring hope where it once was forgotten Mother don’t worry, I’ve got a coat and some friends on the corner So may the sunrise bring hope where it once was forgotten
11/February/2011Last night the McCrarey’s invaded Puddlin’ Duck for some darts. Brother Keith (visiting from California) and my son Kevin joined me in the weekly competition, with daughter-in-law Lauren and Jee Yeun handling the cheerleading duties. Who’d a thunk that you’d find so many McCrarey’s in an Irish pub of all places? Now, Keith and Kevin hadn’t played in a dart tourney before and by virtue of the vagaries of the blind draw format wound up being teammates. And they defied odds by winning their first match in a hard fought battle. Kevin seems to have a natural knack for hitting the double out and that served him well. Of course, they advanced to meet me and my partner Pat in the next round and we showed them no mercy. Darts does not recognize family blood after all. It was a good night for this McCrarey though as I achieved tournament victory for the first time here in South Carolina. Nothin’ is finer than winning in Carolina, to coin a phrase. Anyway, we all had a great time and I expect Kevin may become a regular participant. And no doubt he’s going to be beating me with regularity before too long. He didn’t say it, but his face said “payback is hell”. Let the darts fly! 31/January/2011I’m reminded of some great advice in an Easter post from 2005 authored by one of my favorite bloggers, Kevin Kim. It’s actually too good to excerpt and I’m sure I would butcher the effort anyway. Go have a read. You won’t regret it. And if you do, well, just put it down. What a week. Drove 1145 miles to Enid, Oklahoma so my mom could be buried in the family plot near her mother. Actually, she was buried in Goltry, a small and sad outpost on the windswept and desolate Oklahoma panhandle. I believe if you look up the word depressing in the dictionary you can see a picture of Goltry. The day of the funeral was windy (as I expect everyday in that godforsaken land must be) and bitterly cold. Mom wanted a simple graveside service and that is what she got. My Aunt Pat (of fruit salad fame) led the service and the grandkids present each gave a moving tribute as to what Grandma Bonnie had meant in their lives. Tears were shed and then it was done. Well, we had a family gathering at the Western Sizzlin’ (apparently one of the finer dining establishments in Enid) and then those of us who were so inclined retired to the Ramada Inn bar. The eight of us then proceeded to wash away our sorrow (at least temporarily) through massive quantities of beer and various other alcoholic beverages. My nephew Jason and his wife Rosie brought out a guitar and sang “Upward Over the Mountain” in honor of my mom. It was an incredibly beautiful song and an appropriately moving moment that seemed to give each of some measure of closure. I know mom would have loved it. By unfortunate coincidence, the funeral day was also daughter-in-law Lauren’s birthday. We did a toast in her honor. Although Lauren was toasting us with fruit juice. Because she found out that morning that she was pregnant with my son’s first child. Apparently after quite some time trying. Kevin revealed that in one of his final conversations with mom she had asked him to promise to take his son to church on Sundays. He told her “grandma, I don’t have a son”. She said “just promise”. Renee is convinced that the first thing mom did in heaven was to pull some strings. I don’t know about that. But it was a day of days for sure and I wouldn’t put anything past my mom.
20/January/2011Things seem really different around here in the absence of mom’s presence. I’m equally torn between relief that her suffering is over and enormous sadness that the life she loved so much is gone. But I guess that’s really the way it works out for most people, isn’t it? She wants to be buried next to her mother in Goltry, Oklahoma. It’s a tad over 1100 miles from here and I’m in the mood for a road trip. So I’ll be hitting the Interstate on Friday. Last night I played darts for the first time since I’ve been “home”. Found a nice little Irish pub with three boards named The Puddlin’ Duck. I joined the “league” which amounts to a weekly blind draw double elimination tourney. There were fourteen of us throwing tonight and I felt warmly welcomed. So, I’ve got Wednesdays covered at least. Played so bad though even Jee Yeun was embarrassed for me. I overheard her telling my new mates that I really wasn’t that bad. Well, not to make excuses but it has been awhile since I’ve thrown and it being a new venue surrounded by strangers and all it’s understandable I’d be off my game. Right? Right? Anyway, it will be better. It’s got to get better. 19/January/2011The nearest friends can go –Robert Frost (from Home Burial) My mother died this morning. At home, peacefully in her sleep. These past two weeks had been a struggle for her but she kept on fighting. It was heartbreaking to watch her fade away each day. She had stopped eating, drinking, and using her oxygen and become verbally non-communicative. But until yesterday I could still see her “in there” behind her eyes and there was a spark of recognition when friends and family members came to visit. The best night occurred last week when her sisters from California were here. She was surrounded by people who loved her and she seemed to really perk up. She actually made a little speech about what’s important in life and she said all that matters is love. Mom told us to always love one another and everyone else we encountered. When it was done she smiled and said, “well, I guess I gave a sermon”. Mom was clearly loving having her family with her, that’s for sure. She deteriorated pretty quickly after that. She lost the ability to speak, but still would lift her arms and offer hugs to any and all takers. Later she was reduced to moaning and grunts and all we could do was administer morphine and keep her as comfortable as possible. She would still make eye contact and I sensed a pleading for help, but there was no help I could provide other than stroking her head. The last days watching her lie there fighting for breath was heartrending and we could only standby watching her suffering. This morning we woke to find her at peace at last. You know, I have always feared dying alone. So I thought it was a good thing that mom had family around her at the end of her days. But I also observed that no matter the circumstances, we are all going to die alone. Mom was physically alive, but she was also already gone to some other unreachable place. I can only hope it was comfortable and pain free there. Thanks for all the love you so freely gave me mom.
25/December/201025/November/201024/November/2010Back when I was a kid in Southern California we used to always visit Uncle Sam and Aunt Pat up in the foothills of La Crescenta. What I always loved best about Aunt Pat’s spread was her fruit salad. No, I don’t mean ambrosia or some other facsimile that folks may think of as a fruit salad. IMHO, honest-to-goodness fruit salad absolutely MUST have a sour cream base. Anyway, for the past 30 years or so I’ve incorporated Aunt Pat’s recipe into my own Thanksgiving holiday tradition. Folks do seem to enjoy it too. I call it “world famous” now, because I’ve been serving it up here in Korea to friends and co-workers since 2005 and if the empty bowl is any indication it’s a popular treat. So, without further adieu, I’m going to put the recipe right here on the internet. For a Family-size serving: 30 oz can of fruit cocktail 15 oz can of mandarin oranges 1 apple (I prefer granny smith) 3 bananas 5 oz of pecan pieces 3/4 cup coconut 1/2 cup baby marshmellows 16 oz sour cream open and drain fruit cocktail and manadrin oranges. cut apple into small chunks. slice bananas into bite-size pieces. place them all in a bowl and stir in sour cream until fruit is well covered. mix in pecans. add coconut and marshmellows and stir until all are well blended. add additional coconut and/or marshmellow to sweeten to taste. Best when chilled for two or three hours before serving. That’s all there is to it. Enjoy!
17/November/2010At the La Quinta airport in Atlanta in preparation for an early morning flight that will eventually get me back to Seoul. Had some quality family time and came to a difficult decision. More on that later… 12/August/2010Had a happy reunion with one of my dart mentors last night, Mike “Petro” Petrocelli. As former President of the Seoul International Dart league he really helped make darts in Itaewon what it is today. It was great to see him again, even if it was only for a one night stand. He brought along a pretty good dart game as well, which was to be expected. We were all happy to welcome Dave New back to Dolce Vita as well. He’ll be here for the next three weeks or so and we are looking forward to as many nights of darts and beer as can be managed. Speaking of which, Petro bought a keg for all the darters who turned out to get reacquainted. And naturally, a blind draw doubles tournament broke out. Had some interesting pairs drawn. Alastair and Sammy, two excellent darters from the UK; two more outstanding players in Tom Randolph and Petro; and Dave New had me to carry. We had some great games, but in the end Dave and I made it through the winners bracket. Tom and Petro had a hard fought match with Alastair and Sammy for the right to play us for the championship. And the boys from the mother country prevailed. In the end it came down to a classic well played game of cricket with strategic pointing in a seesaw battle that ulitmately resulted in a win for Dave and me. Damn, it was like old times, meaning fun times at the oche. Next up, The Duke and lovely Ji Young are coming to town. It’s shaping up to be a hot August! 06/July/2010 Kevin Lee got married Saturday to the beautiful Lauren. She’s a sweet gal whose love for my son is something to behold. I know she will make him a happy man. Kevin, you done good!
03/July/2010You were born together,
and together you shall be forevermore. You shall be together when the white wings of death scatter your days. Aye, you shall be together even in the silent memory of God. But let there be spaces in your togetherness, And let the winds of the heavens dance between you. Love one another, but make not a bond of love. Let it rather be a moving sea between the shores of your souls. Fill each other’s cup but drink not from one cup. Give one another of your bread but eat not from the same loaf. Sing and dance together and be joyous, but let each of you be alone, Even as the strings of a lute are alone though they quiver with the same music. Give your hearts, but not into each other’s keeping. For only the hand of Life can contain your hearts.
And stand together, yet not too near together. For the pillars of the temple stand apart, And the oak tree and the cypress grow not in each other’s shadow. –Khalil Gibran
Wish I could be there. Live well, live long, be happy!
30/June/2010
My younger brother, Gregory Lee. This was taken at the “Filthy Five”, five acres the family owned out in the middle of nowhere, near Perris, California. Probably taken around 1975 or so… 24/June/2010
This is my mother’s father Hal Clinkenbeard. He spent most of his life in Memphis, Tennessee working for the Post Office Department. I met him on several occasions while growing up but I obviously did not know him well. |
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